I wrote the other day about how Our Great State was so caught-up in the Civil War, we were not focusing on the important issues of the day. I would have been swept-up with Tiger Fever, but I was consumed with the Civil War football game myself. My Bad.It was nearly impossible to keep-up with the Tiger Sex Saga anyway. Events changed hourly as details leaked, rumors flew, and girls were popping-up everywhere with their own private stories. My favorite is the hoochie-girl in Las Vegas who was so mad when she found out Tiger was cheating on her. I can't get my mind around how a brain like hers operates. Or doesn't.
It is ego.
I wrote the other day about how Our Great State was so caught-up in the Civil War, we were not focusing on the important issues of the day. I would have been swept-up with Tiger Fever, but I was consumed with the Civil War football game myself. My Bad.It was nearly impossible to keep-up with the Tiger Sex Saga anyway. Events changed hourly as details leaked, rumors flew, and girls were popping-up everywhere with their own private stories. My favorite is the hoochie-girl in Las Vegas who was so mad when she found out Tiger was cheating on her. I can't get my mind around how a brain like hers operates. Or doesn't.
It is ego.
Which brings me to the topic of this blog post: Jokes about Tiger Woods.But first - here is a photo of (the present) Mrs. Woods:
I know, I know, I know.... I am thinking exactly the same thing!Here we go:
What does Tiger have in common with baby seals? They both get clubbed by Norwegians. (NOTE: Elin is actually Swedish, but you get the gist.)
Did you hear that Phil Mickelson called Elin Nordegren? He asked her for some tips on beating Tiger.
Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver?
Tiger Woods wants to change his name... to Cheetah.
Tiger's other women aren't mistresses. They're provisionals.
Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.
Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."
Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express.
Jay Leno: "This Tiger Woods thing is having an effect on a lot of people. In fact, earlier today, Elizabeth Edwards went out and bought a new set of golf clubs. I didn't even know that she played."
Conan O'Brien: Hey, check this out folks. Tiger Woods' wife is renegotiating her prenuptial agreement. The rumor is she could get $80 million. Yeah, which is, which is ironic because the only other person who ever gets that kind of money for swinging a golf club is Tiger Woods.
VIDEO: Voicemail remix
VIDEO: Christmas Song (starts slow, but gets better)
Tiger deserves every joke. What a knucklehead.
If you will excuse me - I need to go listen to NPR and read the newspaper.
Until my next update, I remain, your opinionated correspondent.