Indio, California: Hello, humans - this is Reese typing tonight. The lady is outside. The alpha male is telling her stories and she is laughing. Me? I am inside the big car where it is much cooler. The lady is always trying to get me to stay outside on the patio with them. Is she crazy? It was 88 degrees today, and - hello - I'm wearing a fur coat! Think about it!
Actually, I think she is crazy. Possibly one of those stalkers I have heard about. She won't let me out of her sight and parades me around this place, showing me off to everyone and then - get this - when I poop, she picks it up and carries it around in a little bag! I am not joking. Just a tad bit obsessive, don't you think? She's a nut-job all right.
She is also obsessed with feeding the alpha male. Look what she prepared for his breakfast:
Guess what she fed me? Bingo!
I think the lady would rather give me steak, but my Mom won't let her... though sometimes the lady does accidentally drop a bit of steak on the floor and I help her out by eating the tidbit.
HINT: would you please just drop the entire steak!
The lady is a little bonkers about my water bowl too. I have one outside on the patio and one inside the big car. The bowl of water outside gets warm very fast and the lady is always changing the water and adding ice. Ice? Do I look like a Siberian Husky? Please. Plus, she uses filtered water! Lady, I'm a dog and I would drink out of the toilet (if I were tall enough). Why don't you just put some of that pinot grigio stuff in my water bowl? You seem to suck it down like water.
After a long walk this morning, I tried to sleep most of the afternoon. Every few hours the lady would come in and haul me outside to water a few more palm trees. Usually I plunked myself down on the grass and would refuse to move. She would drag me a few inches and after a while would just give up. From the sound of her voice, I do not think she was very happy.
Imagine my surprise when - at about 8 o'clock this evening - my Mom showed up! Apparently she was tired. Apparently three days of hanging with hipsters and listening to alternative music was enough. She wanted to hang out with me, the lady and the alpha male. My Mom really likes it when the lady cooks for her too.
The three of them enjoyed pasta outside on the patio. It was a lovely evening.
Guess what they fed me for dinner? Bingo!
Thank you for letting me write today's column. Until my next update, I remain, your canine correspondent.
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